I went to Lauren Upton’s graduation party.

I am happy for her and it’s all good.

But I hate going to things like that now.  It took every ounce of my being to go.  You always see people at events like that, that you haven’t seen post-Cook death.  So they either ask how she is** or they have heard and want to tell you how sorry they are.

Lauren had a scrapbook of her horse, Elvis (who was Cook’s pasture mate once upon a time).  She had pictures of Cook in there, where we had trail rode many moons ago.  It goes along with what I had described in previous posts… its’ amazing and shocking how often she comes up, especially when I’m not expecting it.

I should stop writing now and just go to bed.  Things will be better in the morning.

Or at least so busy, Cook will not occupy my mind.

** I know this sounds really mean and I NEVER do it, but when people ask how she is, I just feel like being mean and saying… “Not too good.  She’s dead.”  Just that blunt and brutal.  I know it’s mean and un-deserving to the person…  I don’t know why I feel like being mean.

I have seen a few people who have asked and I just say she’s fine.