Saturday was just a horrid, horrid day. First of all, it was a month anniversary of Cook’s death. I feel like it was just yesterday. Mere said it felt like months.

So I woke up at 3am, tossed and turned and at 6, decided to head to the barn on 4 hours of sleep. I fed the old barn, turned out and headed to the new barn. There, I helped with the morning turnout. (telling all detail to just show the fatigue level).

One of my jobs was to walk a stallion who is on stall rest. He has been awesome… every other day. I got him into the ring and put him on the lunge because he was so fresh. He totally went nuts. I am proud that I hung on to him, but I was embarassed that I was completely drug around. Lundie had to come rescue me.

At 9am, my brother comes to do some carpentry around the barn. At 10am, Theresa brought kiddies to see ponies. Ami was good for the kids to feed carrots to. I was pleased with that. I don’t know him that well and had no idea how he would react to being around crowds, especially with little kids. We used a few of Mere’s ponies and of course, they were good. Mere’s ponies are well broke and used to kiddie-folk. So then we got lunch and met about all the barn things.

It just turned ugly between Richard and I. It drives me crazy because I feel like he is so hard on me about everything I say or do and he has ZERO listening skills. (actually, what comes to mind is Kevin - very similar - both think I couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag).

In general, I do not tell people my opinion or what to do (how to raise their kids or ride their ponies), unless I know what I am talking about. If it’s not hurting anyone, I just leave it alone. So I always expect WHEN I DO SPEAK UP, that you listen.

So I didn’t leave until 530.

Do you guys know how much I do not want to go home for Christmas? Do you have any concept? And everyone knows. My mom called me last night, begging me to come, even though I told her that I am coming home on Monday because I feel like I HAVE TO. I would be an evil person not to come home on Christmas.

Riding and working at the barn is my only salvation right now.