I have been trying to write this post for a few days. I just wanted to comment more on the post that I wrote about a week ago - the one off of Nikki’s comment about trying to do this for a living.

I don’t want to have any regrets. I am going for it. I am committing myself to it. I am working hard. I don’t want to be that person that talks about glory days and says “Well, I had the talent, but if I had the money, if I had the time, then I woulda, coulda, shoulda.”

I am making the money work. I am making the time. I want to be a talented rider. I can’t wait until I see my progress after a year.

I have two motivations that lit a fire under me.

One, an old trainer. To see someone who has potential and talent… to just waste it. Although this person had many excuses not to, the real reason is fear. I usually don’t cuss on un-protected blogs, but I will make an exception.

What a chickenshit.  I can’t even look at you.

Two, Cook. I have ZERO regrets about her and the care I gave her. No matter how tired I was, no matter what I had to do, no matter what my schedule was, I always made sure Cook was so very well taken care of. She never went a winter day without her blanket. Her mane was always pulled. She was regularly bathed. Every cut was cleaned and had ointment put on it. She was in standings for any necessary (or un-necessary) injury. I spent time with her -a ridiculous amount of time - regularly 3 (sometimes more!) times a day. Most nights I would go out before bedtime - in jammies and slip-ons- to tell her good night. I rarely went away for trips because I couldn’t bear to leave her for so long. When she went through a non-breakfast phase, I bought applesauces and mixed them in daily. Her name was stitched, etched on everything. I went through every possible avenue I could - in order to try and find her records, her papers, previous owners. and the pictures. Good Lord, the pictures. I took pictures of everything we did together. Her entire life with me was documented. I spent so much time with her, alone with her, with friends, with barn-mates, with kids… Rachel rode her, Little Montgomery double rode her with me bareback. I would hug and hug her every day. I would hug her and she would stand there and flip her head. She was spoiled rotten.

Being able to say that I did everything humanly possible to spend the time and to care for the love of my life is the only comfort I have. It’s the only thing I have that allows my brain to rest at night and for sleep to come.

So whatever I decide in life to do… whether it be in work, in relationships or in horses… I want to put in the same dedication. So when it’s all said and done, I can have peace.