I haven’t blogged like I usually do because frankly I am going through a rough spell.  I told my friend Kathy I didn’t want to blog because I didn’t feel like pretending that everything was ok and making up some things to put here.  Hence the irony of this site.  I feel like I have to put on a front and nicey face even when all hell is breaking loose because of the barn kids and baby sister reading this.
One of my short term headaches is that I am struggling to make it through Christmas.   I am the grinch that stole Christmas.  It would come as no surprise to those really close to me….  I am dreading going home.  I do not use the word “Dread” here lightly.  I stayed here at my house alone for Thanksgiving and I seriously contemplated staying for Christmas.  What does that say?  It’s not that I don’t love my family - just the opposite… I do.  But sometimes (alot of times) the situation is more than I can mentally handle.  I just want a normal Christmas…  a Xmas tree, where everyone is happy, people get you presents, you give people presents, you all eat together, there are kids all around, maybe go to the movies on Christmas Day cause there is nothing else to do….  I have seen on TV and heard rumors that Christmas is like this for normal families.

So combined with my dread of Xmas to come, I have a mulitude (is that spelled right?) of other problems.

I can’t wait for spring.  Winter just wasn’t my season.

(oh and just to top this night off, I left my cell phone on the counter of Chilli’s where I was picking up take out and I’m completely out of gas)