geez. can it really go from bad to still bad?

I rode miss at lunch and basically she hates me. that’s nice.

Again, I’m trying to work out what I am going to do this weekend with showing and my mom. I am super aggravated right now. I am angry at my mom because she says she cannot come up to Raleigh for my birthday weekend because she does not have a ride. This is a long involved story involving my stepfather. The regular readers of my blog know all about their relationship, which is the very definition of “dysfunctional”. So it just absolutely irritates me to the very very depths of my core.

I guess that is really the way to describe my state of depression right now. I am in a funk because I am so very IRRITATED with people’s actions. I am consistently disappointed by people close to me. Everyone relies on me to be the go-to person, to fill in where needed, to be complacent, and to basically take shit they dish out. and I’m tired of it.

I’m not saying I’m tired of it like I’m tired of it .. today. I am saying that I am internally just wretchedly PEEVED because of the way things are going right now. I know that I am on the mental edge of just completely going off on people. I have more truth serum flowing through my veins than is socially acceptable. Feelings will get hurt if I am nudged.

I really just want someone to be kind to me. Not an ACT of kindness. But generally for a longer spell, be kind and gentle, care about my well being, look out for me, help me… and do it because you care about me and you want me to succeed and be sane. NOT ALL, (please do not IM or email or talk to me and ask if you are one of these ‘friends’, if you have to ask then, seriously… maybe that answers that question). but ALOT of my friends are my friends because of what I do for them, how I make them feel, how I make their life easy.

I know.. this blog has been a downer. I’m sure things will get better. Right?