I am feeling under the weather so I’m not really in the blogging mood.  eating dry (lactose intolerant) cheerios for dinner isn’t improving my mood.
I don’t know what is wrong per se but i just feel … blah.

Seems like all my friends right now have stressful issues going on in their lives. Its not directly impacting me but I don’t like my friends being stressed / upset.

So if ur reading this blog and u are one of those people, be at peace. everything will be alright. nothing, no one or no thing is perfect. change and control what u can. let go of what u can’t. have patience. stick to ur guns. know what u want. have faith.

and don’t forget that u can always count on me, whatever decision u make. friends stick together.

tired

sore

overextended

cook is ditto.

going to bed. soon. perhaps the sun will shine on us tomorrow.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
Don't let 'em pick guitars or drive them old trucks.
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such.
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
'Cos they'll never stay home and they're always alone.
Even with someone they love.

I’m suffering from insomnia for the 3rd night in a row.

On Saturday I wrote a post calling Cook a horrid little brat.  I edited that.

Me sorry, Cook.  U just had a bad day.

Doesnt excuse the fact u should have been BETTER behaved however.

Good news - Cook was well-behaved.  Bad news - My saddle doesn’t fit.

So I gotta decide what to do.  To sell my saddle and buy a new one?  Keep my saddle since I got such a good deal on it?  I don’t know yet.  My head hurts thinking about it.

I really appreciate Kevin coming out to help us girls.

I had a good day today.  Had lots of laughs.   Hung out with friends.  Cut up.   Rode well (even if I was posting high).  Play with a cute puppy.  Ate my favorite fajitas.  Let my dog snuggle with me in bed.  Love days like this.

Quote:

“What is WRONG with ur mare?” - Upton

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U know what time it is? Its 3AM. Know why I’m blogging? Cause I can’t sleep CAUSE my back is sore, rung out. many advils needed.
Let’s back up 16 hours…..

I went out to breakfast with Mere. Fun.

Lauren U is going to work with Alexis in the ring and I decided to join in. There are TONS of people at the barn. Folks are riding their own, taking lessons, parents are watching, etc.

I get Cook and put her in the cross ties. She’s upset and fidgety and I even make a joke on her to Lauren.

I’m trying to put a 2nd polo on her, when she flips her lid and decides to break her halter and get loose from the cross ties. She doesn’t go far, just to back of the barn.

I catch her and put her in a stall to finish tacking up. I honestly thought she just got spooked. Even in the stall though, I’m trying to put the 2nd polo on and she’s walking around.

I get her tacked up and walk down to the ring. The whole way down, she’s jigging bad like we are headed to the Thunderdome. (Two men enter, one man leave!)

We get there, I manage to get on but all this time, shes’ just pawing and just generally upset. I walk her around….. and let me spare u the details but she’s bad. b-a-d. BBBBBBBAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDD!!!!!

Upton says “Are u ok?” (No in fact I’m not.) I’m trying extremely hard to 1) not lose my temper and 2) not lose my temper in front of numerous parents and children-people.

So I have Upton hold her, and I run up to the barn and grab a halter and a lunge line. I lunge her. She gets some good rear-kicky things out, and I make her canter on, canter on. Trot on, trot on. She actually was pretty decent on the lunge. ~20 minutes.

She’s good and tired (so I think).

I take her back into the ring to get back on.

Still bad. I really lower my standards and just try and get her to trot around ONCE nicely and we will end it. She barely makes it.

Mere is there. She is teaching lessons but in a break, God Bless her, she offers to get on Cook. Let me interrupt here…. MERE CAN RIDE ANYTHING. She used to be a jockey at a track in VA. So whatever Crazy Thoroughbred book, Cook has been reading out of… she AINT GOT NOTHING COMING with Mere. Meredith has seen and taken anything some little young, dumb TB can dish out.

Cook tries to dish it out. Mere laughs. Cook dishes. Mere laughs. (actually she’s not laughing…. its’ more of a “whatever! ur doing this! get over it! I will outlast u!!)

Mere and Cook have a discussion. (perhaps discussing world peace, perhaps discussing if Crystal needs a QH gelding… hmmm…. Cook votes no. :-)

I get back on, walk her around once. Get off. Go up to the barn.

Everyone has a bad day. Cook was due. However, the saddle fitting is Sun morning and I REALLY hope and pray that she will act decent. Standing in the cross ties and walk, trotting in the ring are good first steps here. I’m not asking for much!

I know everyone has a bad day every now and then but the thing that REALLY made me mad was acting like a total freak in front of an audience full of people. Of ALL the days… it’s like ur child who is normally good, throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the mall, and everyone looks at u like “control them, please!”
Before I go, big thanks to Ashley and Lauren U. for making me feel better. They were supportive and confident that she would be better tomorrow and not the spazoid she was today.

Huge thanks to Mere! Thanks for working with Cook.

Friends know how much I am IN LOVEEEE with Wentworth Miller. For those that don’t know him, (have u been under a rock???), he’s the dude off of Prison Break. Why do I like him? Well, 1 he’s cute. 2 he’s seems humble and generally bewildered by the whole fame thing and 3, he’s mixed (I have a special places for us mixey babies). I found a website devoted to him (not that I was searching….) and it had some quotes. So repasting here. I read these and was like um, hello! aint’ this the truth!

On His Racial Identity

“A racial community provides not only a sense of identity, that luxury of looking into another’s face and seeing yourself reflected back, but a sense of security and support.”

“As far as being black versus African-American, I have a problem with hyphenates. I don’t want to be African-American or Chinese-American or Irish-American. My family’s been in this country for generations. There is no reason in the world why I can’t lay claim to just American.”

“My encounters with racism are sort of second-hand situations where I might be standing
around with a group of white friends and someone makes a comment that they wouldn’t make at my family reunion.”

“I just had a conversation with a reporter in New York and he told me, ‘So you’re a mutt.’ And I told him, ‘You know, I find the term “mutt” deeply offensive.’ So he started back-pedaling and said, ‘I’m a mutt, too. I’m part German and part Irish.’ ‘That means you’re white,’ I told him. ‘But thank you for playing!’”

“It leaves a cut. Someone calls you nigger, and it’s like a knife to the gut. You suffer enough nicks and you bleed to death just the same. So when that happens, you’re confronted with the quandary: do I stop the party, do I grind things to a halt? And ideally you would each and every single time, but I have better things to do than to educate people.”

“If I control my destiny, maybe then one day I will give this world the best of me”

Someone was noticing that my blogs have been more on the depressing side lately.  I’m not depressed but I have alot on my mind.  I’m 30 and at a point where I have to just make sure that my rudder is steering me in the right direction.   I don’t want to make any mistakes.  I’m too old to go down the wrong road and back-track so I’m just taking some time to ponder the fork in the road before I make my move.

I have alot of different things filling my head.  Right now, it’s too much to ponder.   Birdie is laying with me.  She always makes me feel better.  If no one else, Bird, Cad and Cook love me.

I didnt’ ride today (too damn cold and I was slammed at work) but I went out afterwards to see Cook.  Mere was out.  That was cool.  With everything going on in our individual lives, we don’t get to hang out as much any more.  So we got a chance to talk a lil and I got to hang with Cook.  She’s so completely used to me being with her all the time, she doesnt even blink an eye no matter what I do.  I could totally spend the night with her in her stall and feel completely safe - she wouldn’t even be surprised.   Sad but true.

I rode Cook for just a few minutes because I was rushed to get back to work. She was very spooky and fresh because of the wind and cold. I can’t blame her. I was freezing my arse off. I let her gallop around the ring at the very end - free gallop (free - no rider) with Aurin. She was SO pretty. I think 3 year old Aurin was gonna have a heart attack. She pitifully was whinny-ing to Cook to try and get her to slow down. Cook did jump a jump that was CRAZY LONG. there was a canter pole set in from of it and she decided to take the LONG spot by starting the take off BEFORE the canter pole. It was frickin awesome. Aurin actually followed her behind the jump but she actually did it the correct way - cantered the pole, then jumped the jump. Cook had to show off and put a lil stank on it.
So I have to blog quickly cause 1) i’m cold and 2) the Office is on tonight. I must go to bed early because I have alot going on this weekend.

Friday is a hectic day at work. Upton wants me to ride but I’m not sure I will be able to escape. Plus it’s still cold. Cook and I have a 55 and above agreement. 55 or below, she’s not responsible for her conduct.

Saturday is supposed to be nice~! yay. I’m riding, riding, riding. I’m going to try and cut out about 2 to head over to the fairgrounds to catch a lil of the horse show over there. Hope I can catch some of the Adults. I gotta head over there anyway cause I have to get some pictures and the painting framed. I wanted to take the beagle to the horse show, but she’s not quiet enough when she’s excited. Plus, she’s in heat and wearing a diaper which will be cause for ridicule.

Sunday, I’m riding and doing the saddle fitting. temp of 64 as well.

I have a feeling we will get slammed in February and March with cold cold weather.

nite all.

-cgl

I got out of work too late. Went and saw Cook to hug her and remind her who I am. (in case she forgets.) Shared an apple. I like how she patiently waits for me to bite her off a piece and give it to her.

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Someone asked me today what I wanted out of life - realistic vs fantasy. I don’t have fantasies of grand, out-of-this-world proportions.

My fantasy is to be riding in some C show 2′6″ class at the Hunt Horse Complex on some reliable* mare**, and my significant other is in the stands, holding our child, telling him to wave to his mom while we are deck in the holding area, waiting for our turn.

Is that too much to ask?

I often try and tell non-horse people about how horses aren’t a hobby - it’s a ever-living, ever-growing, 24-7, suck-all-your-money, LIFESTYLE. Most of my friends are like “uh-huh, we get it… u like horses, u have a horse… blah blah.. good gawd! shut up about it!! Unless u have been exposed to Horse Life directly, it’s hard to grasp the concept of a “hobby” that takes up more time, energy, blood, sweat and tears than my full time career.

* reliable - Cook + Hunt Horse Complex + 2′6″ = Yikes.

** mare - Crystal + Gelding*** = Blech.

*** gelding - Except Elvis.  I can’t dis my son-in-law.

This is for (and not about) Ricky, because he thinks THIS is SAPPY. I love u, Tilo. For those who don’t know (how do u not know??). Ricky is my oldest friend. We have grown up together (still growing) for 24 years.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don’t know what to do, ‘Cause I’ll never be with you. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true. There must be an angel with a smile on her face, When she thought up that I should be with you. But it’s time to face the truth, I will never be with you.