I haven’t been keeping up with this blog like I used to because I have been swamped with getting the house done and with the horse life.

I got to ride a ton over the break and it has greatly improved my mood. I got to ride Lauren’s horse, Elvis, twice and had alot of fun. I jumped him around this open field with a bunch of natural scary jumps. I was brave-ish. Elvis was way brave and didn’t refuse a thing. So that was good. There was a friend who videotaped me going over the scary jumps but I am not putting it on this site. I look like crap! I thought I was doing well - I gave him a good ride but hellloooo!!! My elbows are flapping in the wind…. I’m pumping!!! Gawd, I need to stay still!! I really hope that I look better on Miss than I did on that video on Elvis. I know I look cute on Cook. Cook makes everyone cute. :-)

So Missy was bad bad bad Mon - Wed… so on Friday, Kevin came out, rode her, and then gave me a lesson. repeat on Saturday. He rode her first … talked to her, adjusted her attitude… talked to me… adjusted my attitude…. so Missy and I are back to doing ok. We had good days on Fri and Sat… then I rode alone Sun and Mon and she was fine. Actually, Monday we jumped around a little mini course and she was great.

I didn’t show on Saturday but I ended up going to the show to school a pony (which I am slightly too tall/big for)… who was totally fabulous. I was sitting on this pony and I whispered to her… “please don’t embarass me, little pony… just go over all ur jumps”. She was terrific. No refusals. So that made me feel good that I did my job, she got around and was really good for Rachel. I have their rounds videotaped, so at some point I need to get around to DL-ing that.

Afterwards, I hung out with Lauren and Tim and some of the people from the show. I am expanding my horse circle. I made the mistake of thinking that loyalty meant isolation, but really… it doesn’t. So I am giving others a chance.

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Have 3 days to get my house straighten up and finished unpacking…. before family comes to celebrate my birthday! yay! I’m way excited. (for those that didn’t know it was my birthday, that is why I put that post below… about Triangle Horse Sports… I wasn’t asking random strangers to give me gift certificates. ) I’m asking my random family to give me gift certificates.

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not only do I have to clean my house, but I have to find something extremely cute to wear on Saturday. ugh!

I want to upgrade my show jacket at Triangle Horse Sports. 

If you are going to get me a present (you don’t have to!, but if you are planning on it…), call Triangle Horse Sports at 919-781-8027 and you can get me a gift certificate over the phone.  Ask to speak to Sue or Beth.  They are going to collect them all for me.

last night I slept and slept the night away.  i got up twice to let the dog out to potty.  Birdie is a good girl.  I laid down about 6 and she laid right down beside me.  No matter where I am, Birdie is there.

I do have a sad, ‘bad mom’ story.  I took her to the barn like I usually do.  She does her own thing there…  when I left, I forgot about her.  I drove down the driveway and down the street.  Traffic was stopped for some weird reason.  I looked in my rear view mirror to see what the hold up was and I saw my dog running after the jeep.  It was prolly almost a block she had ran.  How sad is that?  My dog could have gotten hit by a car trying to run after me.  She does have to be the most devoted animal that I personally have ever witnessed. 

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today has been slightly less than horrible which is better than the past 2 days.  I’m looking for a lil more mercy from God tho….

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I wonder how fast Cook was as a 2 year old.  I wonder what she was like.  I bet she was crazy and silly and spooky …. and fast as all get out.

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So last night I went out to ride Cook … try to get her started back under saddle after a month off.  We weren’t down in the ring but 5 minutes.  She is head bobbing lame.  The vet will have to come back out.

Sigh.

geez. can it really go from bad to still bad?

I rode miss at lunch and basically she hates me. that’s nice.

Again, I’m trying to work out what I am going to do this weekend with showing and my mom. I am super aggravated right now. I am angry at my mom because she says she cannot come up to Raleigh for my birthday weekend because she does not have a ride. This is a long involved story involving my stepfather. The regular readers of my blog know all about their relationship, which is the very definition of “dysfunctional”. So it just absolutely irritates me to the very very depths of my core.

I guess that is really the way to describe my state of depression right now. I am in a funk because I am so very IRRITATED with people’s actions. I am consistently disappointed by people close to me. Everyone relies on me to be the go-to person, to fill in where needed, to be complacent, and to basically take shit they dish out. and I’m tired of it.

I’m not saying I’m tired of it like I’m tired of it .. today. I am saying that I am internally just wretchedly PEEVED because of the way things are going right now. I know that I am on the mental edge of just completely going off on people. I have more truth serum flowing through my veins than is socially acceptable. Feelings will get hurt if I am nudged.

I really just want someone to be kind to me. Not an ACT of kindness. But generally for a longer spell, be kind and gentle, care about my well being, look out for me, help me… and do it because you care about me and you want me to succeed and be sane. NOT ALL, (please do not IM or email or talk to me and ask if you are one of these ‘friends’, if you have to ask then, seriously… maybe that answers that question). but ALOT of my friends are my friends because of what I do for them, how I make them feel, how I make their life easy.

I know.. this blog has been a downer. I’m sure things will get better. Right?

I have had 2 tough days in a row - Monday and Tues. It just didnt’ seem that anything went my way… at all. what makes it even worse is that everyone around me knows I’m stressed and tired but either they (A) aren’t doing anything to make me have less stress or (B) actually -adding- to the stress.

What is wrong with people?

I really want to be left alone for a little while and left to sort things out on my own. I have decisions ahead of me that I need to make, because -definitely- things cannot continue like they are.

On the horse front, no good news there either. Cook’s leg still looks like crap although people at the barn say oh! its healing! it will be fine . Uh huh. I’m not so happy dancing that my horse has been off and trying to heal for a month now. I did trot her out yesterday and shes’ as sound as can be, but that is with no work and no rider weight. The other boo-boos she has are starting to heal and go away, however right now she still looks like she got beat with a boo-boo stick.

Miss. Sigh. I have been riding alone in the ring for weeks now (except here and there, once with Kathy and once with Rachel) and its’ not been a positive. The past 2 days (and I know it coincides with my mood) have been HARD rides. Yesterday she pulled on my fingers so bad, that more than 24 hours later, my finger tips were still numb from the lack of circulation. Gloves might have helped but they tend to make the reins more slippery, so I rode without them. Kevin was unavailable last week, so I haven’t had any one on the ground either in 2 weeks.

And we are supposed to show this Saturday.

Nightmare.

Then as if my life is complicated enough, my mom wants to come visit me (mad at Paul and wants to go somewhere different) and help me with my house (although she is not feeling well right now so I’m not sure what she means by that.). Added on TOP of that, I still have Little and her one un-named kitten and my mom is deathly afraid of cats. So I am sure I will hear shrieking all weekend. She has never come to see the house or the apt because of the cats and has tried to convince me (from Fayetteville) to get rid of them.

Now ask me again, why I really need a long vacation?

Although I didn’t feel like it, I went out after everyone had left the barn and ride miss. Pretty hard. She was strong and full of some fight so I just kept at it. We both ended up pretty sweaty.

Didn’t have a great day today. Hoping that tomorrow’s sun will shine a little brighter on me.

I got quite alot done today. I fed the AM shift of the barn, and worked on the new house all day. Ran to the dump and got bunches of errands done… including GROCERY STORE. I have food now, people! I fixed my first meal there tonight. I have a gas stove, (told you it was an older place) and so it’s a little hard to get the heating right. I’m sure I will burn alot.

I didn’t get to ride today or much yesterday. When I hopped on Missy, she was backsore. I got down and tested her and she reacted. So that’s no good. I’m doing alot of stretches with her and she will go on a treatment of meds. This happens with Miss about every 6 months.

I didn’t feel like riding today because my tummy has been upset all day. So that was double reason to sit out although the weather was gorgeous. Meredith thinks that Cook should be easing back under saddle but I still don’t like the look of her leg so she can have some more time off. There is nothing she has to do, so she can come back as slow as she wants to. I may try and sit on her and walk her around this week. We’ll see.

well I got alot done tonight.  Went and rode Miss briefly.  Got old apt cleaned up and turned in keys.  Went over theresa’s house and watched Baby Montgomery because she is really sick.  Came and home and unpacked some more house. 

Tomorrow I am gonna concentrate on getting the barn done in the AM and then I am going to work on my house. 

Had a chance to give away the last kitty yesterday but I want the kitty to have an indoor or barn life.  Outside cat is no good.  I might as well keep her if it comes to that.

So my faithful blog readers (all 2 of you) have been demanding a new blog.  My problem is that I don’t have any internet connected at home yet. 

So here is the update:

Cook - We moved her to a different pasture and she is alot happier with her new best friend, Missy.  They are alone together in the front pasture now.  Her abcess still looks like crap and the skin is about to peel off but her other boo-boos are healing ok.  she looks a mess, cause her hair on her forehead hasn’t grown up yet.

Kitties - I gave away 2 out of 3 kitties… which is cool but I still have one kitty left.  I’m surrounded by noahs’ ark at night.  Birdie, Little and the un-named kitty. 

Missy - fine.  Been riding after work in between unpacking.

Events:

Moving.  ugh, I would blog about the move but it is something I am trying to forget.  It wasn’t TOTAL hell but pretty damn close.  Rich, Scott and Monty all helped.  It rained on us on the Saturday night, which meant some of the furniture got wet.  Sigh.

So I am under a little pressure to get the new house straightened out before the month of June.  June’s weekends are jammed packed.  

First weekend is my birthday.  2nd weekend I am going to Texas.  3rd weekend I have a 3 day horse show.

What is everyone else up to?

cook scraped her head sometime last night during her freak-out.  So she’s bald between her legs… like a star.  Now her and Missy REALLY match.

going to bed early.