Today was one of those crap day. It started out ok, but turned to shit. I really don’t feel like blogging about it, so I won’t.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Nikki’s comment about me riding for a living:

April 16, 2008 @ 5:00 pm

Man, I wish I had the balls to do that. You can’t make it doing that kind of thing around here, though. And I can’t move. Plus I always think what if something happens to me and I couldn’t do it anymore, then what. I don’t know. Glad someone out there is actually able to do what they WANT to do with their life.

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I think after Cook, it really inspired me.  Life REALLY is too short to just lay around and go through the motions.  It doesn’t mean anything unless you are doing something you love every day.  I just never want to die tomorrow and have everyone stand around at my funeral saying “I know she was really good at Microsoft Excel, but gee, I wish she had pursued horses… she was good at that.  What if?”

I know that sounds like I just read that out of a “Chicken Soup for the Soul Vol 697″ but I’m serious. It can be taken from you in an instant.  In seconds… Literally SECONDS, your life can change.  On November 21 at 2:05 AM, my life was one way.  At 2:06 AM, my life was flipped upside down.

But to answer your question you ask yourself…. what if I can’t do it anymore.  Then I’ll stop and do something else.  But for now, I want to do this.  Forever.

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My roommate was very sweet to me tonight.  We were talking about the picture I have of Cook and I (dress picture).  I was relaying to Allie how good she was that day.  She was so good.

So I got upset, talking about her.

Allie said that she thinks that Cook watches over me, she’s sure of it.

A few weeks ago, I thanked B for being so nice to me when I was first learning…  when I couldn’t even get the horse to canter.  B had to give me lesson after lesson after horrible lesson.

He said “No worries.  It was an investment in the future”.

I like that response.

again today was a day of lessons.  I’m tired and have a ton of crap to do.  Kittens are doing well.  we had 2 more foals born at the barn.  2 colts.

I’m home. I’m tired so there is no use complaining. I will blog about it tomorrow. But I am really worked up.

Baby foal was born tonight out of Whit by DP. Colt.

Little also had 4 kittens tonight. 3 are given away already. Need a home for homeboy number 4. Any takers?

All black.  2 with curly tails, 1 with no tail and 1 with a regular tail.  claim your kitten.

I am in Conyers.  Our horses have done awesome.  I am trying to be happy.   

Today is Cook’s birthday.

I thought about her alot….  I am at a loss for words.  It is hard to express to people who didn’t know her, and didn’t know ‘her and me’ the complete abyss of despair I have felt since she passed.  I know we are nearing the 5 month mark, which can go either way with people.  Some people think its too short of a time to expect any sort of healing, while others think I need to move on and be happy with Ami, and my dressage life.  I don’t care how much time passes - I will NEVER get over her.  I will never fully be ok with her being gone.  Even with all that I am blessed with now, I still feel cheated.  I desparately want her back.

She is, was, and will always be, the absolute LOVE of my life.     

Let me start by saying that it wasn’t a BAD day.  Just so damn busy that when I literally got to the hotel room… I CRASHED.  I set the TV timer for 15 minutes and I don’t remember the TV going off. 

We rode horses in the AM before we left.  Stallion had to get collected.  Then we loaded and had to stop by the vet’s to get a health certificate to cross state lines with the horses.  Then we chitty-chitty-banged-banged down the road.  7 hours later, we got to the Georgia Horse Park (place where the ‘96 Olympian equestrian events took place).  It is frickin’ awesome. 

J rode the horses we brought (3).  One of his horses is Ami’s half brother - same sire.  He isn’t at our barn but came to this show, so I don’t really know him.  It’s funny to see because he and Ami look similar and they both have that silly playfulness.

I’ll take pictures!